“You remain the hero of your own story, even when you are the villain in someone else’s.” Anthony Merra.

I have been meditating on this a lot lately, after I was attacked online by a relation of a family member, who has apparently been harbouring animosity towards me for removing myself from an ongoing toxic situation many years ago. Which, by the way, had nothing whatsoever to do with them at all.

The toxic situation was such that I was being “helped” (among other things), time and time again by certain people so much, and in ways so unnecessary and inappropriate, that it became obvious that the “help” was rather more for others benefit than my own, and it had become very damaging.

For context, the people I refer to are my extended family, who have known me my whole life and thus, were very aware of my abilities. They were also acutely aware that I was able to assert myself where and when needed. They just weren’t willing to take any notice of it.

At first glance, their help could be seen as being caring, but once it stems to people literally shoving food (not to mention their grubby fingers) into your mouth or pressing drinks to your lips without warning, and following you into the toilet and remaining there while you do your business (remarking on your body all the while) “just cause I thought it’d help” is surely crossing some obvious lines. Particularly when you consider that I do not need, nor have I ever asked for that sort of help, especially not from them.

Further, the fact that I was asking over and over to be left alone was completely insignificant, as was any reference to my dignity. Have I mentioned this was well into my adulthood?

As time went on, and with no one willing to stand up for me, for fear of causing “drama,” I began to get increasingly anxious whenever a gathering loomed, which was often. Afterward though, I’d usually be a mess, a mixture of frustration, humiliation, violation and isolation. Which those around me surmised as “over-reacting,” and subsequently ignored or ridiculed.

But that’s nothing to the immense guilt and vitriol heaped on me, when, after commencing sessions with a Psychologist I finally summoned my courage and decided enough was enough, cutting all ties with the extended family for good.

This is where the quote comes in.

According to those who were not in my shoes, and who had no ability or desire to imagine themselves there, (AKA everybody), the facts were that I needed the help (because they say so), they were the best ones for the job, (because they say so), and my shunning them was hurtful and disrespectful (because of course they say so, and family automatically implies entitlement and obligation), not to mention that I was extremely ungrateful.

Naturally I disagreed.

Until the relation contacted me, it had been more than a decade since I’d given the situation any real thought, but after that ‘chat,’ I was right back there in an instant. And it convinced me that I had done the right thing.

Also, just for the record, I am not “a f***ing c**t with no balls", (and not just because the phrase makes no sense at all). I am Nina, and I am the hero of my own story, as I have every right to be!

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Nina is a Writer, Blogger, and Disabled Women from Perth, WA. Follow her blog 'Inner musings of a funny looking kid' at www.ninimeany.wordpress.com

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[Image description: A close-up of Nina. She has dark brown hair and is wearing glasses. She is sitting outdoors in a sunny courtyard.]